"Yeh gori kahaan se mila yaar?"
With a wink and a nudge, this was the first time I'd heard the word 'gori' actually spoken out loud. I'd heard it in songs referring to the color of a pretty Indian girl's cheeks, movie dialogues talking about the village belle, but this time it referred to me, and it wasn't complimentary.
From the tone of voice and the body language, the speaker saw me as his friend's latest fling. I was not his fling at all; simply a platonic friend. But the implication was evident, and I shot him a dirty look while my friend explained that I actually knew Hindi. He didn't say another word to me the entire evening.
So what does gori mean, anyway? Shabdkosh.com says it is an adjective meaning "fair." Even Urban Dictionary describes it as "a word used by Indians to describe white girls...not particularly offensive." And we've all heard it in songs like "Yeh kali kali ankhen, yeh gori gori gaal" to describe a woman's beauty. The male equivalent, gora, I've mostly only heard in relation to white men, not to a fair-skinned South Asian man.
So the denotation isn't too bad. But the connotation can vary. When it's used in a purely South Asian context, to describe a South Asian, it is generally a very positive term, albeit because of the shadeism present in South Asian culture, which is a separate issue. However, from my experiences in India, when the subject of discussion was a white woman, I never heard it used with a positive connotation. Sometimes it would be neutral, albeit objectifying - "Yeah, the gori's coming with us." Sometimes patronizing - "It's so adorable to hear a gori speak Hindi." And certainly negative - "This club is full of goris, you'll definitely get laid tonight." Gora also carries a similar neutral to negative connotation, but without the sexual promiscuity connotation of gori (which merits its own post, but I won't be the one to write it!).
And then there's the reaction of the dadi (grandmother) in this video:
Having experienced all these not-so-glowing connotations of the word when it refers to people who look like me, it is just not a term that I use to refer to myself. It's not something I think I personally can "reclaim" from the onslaught of stereotypes that come along with the term as it refers to a non-South Asian woman. And it also follows that it makes me uncomfortable when I'm referred to as gori as well, by people of South Asian descent or not. It gives me a feeling that I am not being taken seriously by the person referring to me as such, that because of my inherent 'gori-ness,' there is no way I can or should be respected as a person separate from my skin tone and all the baggage that goes along with it. Gori is a term that trivializes me as a woman with ties to an Indian family and community. It gives off wrong impressions to people about who I am. If I was Indian, it would be a different story, but I'm not, and it isn't.
Plus, defining myself via my ethnicity, particularly through the lens of someone else's ethnicity, is not very appealing to me at all. I don't believe in colorblindness and a post-racial society does not exist, but at the same time I don't need to perpetuate divides by labeling myself in ethnic terms. It Otherizes me with white people, assuming to remove privilege that is not actually removed. For South Asians, it serves to underscore my privilege as well as imply everything else about 'gori-ness' - sexual availability, lack of culture, lack of respect for elders, egalitarian to the point of embarrassment, etc. And for everyone else, it signifies nothing anyway. What am I trying to prove, and to whom?
So what should I be referred to as, then? I don't mind referring to myself as a white woman in contexts where race is important. American - sure, why not? It's the term de mode for a United States citizen, which I am. I've used the terms non-Indian and non-Bengali in particular contexts as well. I have certainly taken on some aspects of Bengali culture but I don't consider myself Bengali or Bengali-American; my future kids will be, but I'm not. Does a Punjabi who marries a Bengali take on an entirely new ethnic identity? If not, why should I?
I guess if you want to refer to me as anything, 'that big nerd who writes about culture' is pretty apropos.
With a wink and a nudge, this was the first time I'd heard the word 'gori' actually spoken out loud. I'd heard it in songs referring to the color of a pretty Indian girl's cheeks, movie dialogues talking about the village belle, but this time it referred to me, and it wasn't complimentary.
From the tone of voice and the body language, the speaker saw me as his friend's latest fling. I was not his fling at all; simply a platonic friend. But the implication was evident, and I shot him a dirty look while my friend explained that I actually knew Hindi. He didn't say another word to me the entire evening.
So what does gori mean, anyway? Shabdkosh.com says it is an adjective meaning "fair." Even Urban Dictionary describes it as "a word used by Indians to describe white girls...not particularly offensive." And we've all heard it in songs like "Yeh kali kali ankhen, yeh gori gori gaal" to describe a woman's beauty. The male equivalent, gora, I've mostly only heard in relation to white men, not to a fair-skinned South Asian man.
So the denotation isn't too bad. But the connotation can vary. When it's used in a purely South Asian context, to describe a South Asian, it is generally a very positive term, albeit because of the shadeism present in South Asian culture, which is a separate issue. However, from my experiences in India, when the subject of discussion was a white woman, I never heard it used with a positive connotation. Sometimes it would be neutral, albeit objectifying - "Yeah, the gori's coming with us." Sometimes patronizing - "It's so adorable to hear a gori speak Hindi." And certainly negative - "This club is full of goris, you'll definitely get laid tonight." Gora also carries a similar neutral to negative connotation, but without the sexual promiscuity connotation of gori (which merits its own post, but I won't be the one to write it!).
And then there's the reaction of the dadi (grandmother) in this video:
Having experienced all these not-so-glowing connotations of the word when it refers to people who look like me, it is just not a term that I use to refer to myself. It's not something I think I personally can "reclaim" from the onslaught of stereotypes that come along with the term as it refers to a non-South Asian woman. And it also follows that it makes me uncomfortable when I'm referred to as gori as well, by people of South Asian descent or not. It gives me a feeling that I am not being taken seriously by the person referring to me as such, that because of my inherent 'gori-ness,' there is no way I can or should be respected as a person separate from my skin tone and all the baggage that goes along with it. Gori is a term that trivializes me as a woman with ties to an Indian family and community. It gives off wrong impressions to people about who I am. If I was Indian, it would be a different story, but I'm not, and it isn't.
Plus, defining myself via my ethnicity, particularly through the lens of someone else's ethnicity, is not very appealing to me at all. I don't believe in colorblindness and a post-racial society does not exist, but at the same time I don't need to perpetuate divides by labeling myself in ethnic terms. It Otherizes me with white people, assuming to remove privilege that is not actually removed. For South Asians, it serves to underscore my privilege as well as imply everything else about 'gori-ness' - sexual availability, lack of culture, lack of respect for elders, egalitarian to the point of embarrassment, etc. And for everyone else, it signifies nothing anyway. What am I trying to prove, and to whom?
So what should I be referred to as, then? I don't mind referring to myself as a white woman in contexts where race is important. American - sure, why not? It's the term de mode for a United States citizen, which I am. I've used the terms non-Indian and non-Bengali in particular contexts as well. I have certainly taken on some aspects of Bengali culture but I don't consider myself Bengali or Bengali-American; my future kids will be, but I'm not. Does a Punjabi who marries a Bengali take on an entirely new ethnic identity? If not, why should I?
I guess if you want to refer to me as anything, 'that big nerd who writes about culture' is pretty apropos.
Interesting. I used to use the word gori myself but now I tend to stay away from it *most* of the time. Sometimes it is useful, sometimes as a gimmick. I don't think it applies to me any longer either. It also doesn't cover the group I feel I belong to. You sure you won't write the post about "gori" and how ridiculously rotten it is? :P
ReplyDeleteI thought that was this post! :)
DeleteThe only time that I use it is when I am also trying to reinforce the stereotype, actually. But that's kind of a mean girl thing to do, so I try not to use it very often!
In Bangla, don't they call gora/gori shaada?
ReplyDeleteI am fine with identifying as white. I am fairly racially ambiguous looking and am asked to label my race, or "where I am *really* from," on a regular basis. It sometimes startles people, especially white people who are used to thinking of white as normal but as others having labeled race, to hear me say "I am white."
I am also asked in Urdu speaking contexts to identify myself, as my language is fairly fluent and people are sometimes confused by me. Although I hear desis using "gora/gori" (sometimes as you describe, pejoratively, and sometimes more ambivalently, it really isn't always a pejorative), at least those desis who use gora/gori in their languages, I do not frequently elect to use the term in Urdu or Hindi. This is due to the fact that I came to know that some desis feel that calling oneself "gori" is like arrogantly calling oneself attractive and beautiful due to it's connotations---doodh jaisi gori, gore gore gaal, haseen gori, as you mention. (BTW, one actually can call a desi man gora in reference to fairness.) Depending on the context and who I am speaking to (often in my travels, saying "white" in English is useless), I may say something like "I am an American of European origin," in Urdu/Hindi. In Dubai I have met people to whom such a thing means nothing, and who would occasionally ask "where are you from again, London, right?" since they were not very international people, so for them I am a gori, for sure. (The cooking teacher who led my Indian ladies cooking group assured me "I have taught a lot of goras and Tunisians!") Occasionally I have said that I am an "angrez" although this seems so bizarre to me since I am of Eastern European and Semitic/Mediterranean decent and haven't a drop of "angrez" blood in me. But "angrez" means categorically white to some desis. Firangi has worse connotations, and vilayati sounds too old fashioned. But probably Amreekan is what I use, but I dislike that, too because a person can very much be Amreekan and be desi at the same time, Mexicans and Brazilians are also Amreekan, and so on, but when I am in a position to use "Amreekan," the person with whom I am speaking is not interested in the nuances of US identity politics, or that of the Americas. But yep, I very rarely find a context where calling myself "gori" sounds just right.
I do find it useful in the context of other "gori wives" as individuals as it highlights our racial whiteness in contrast to our desi husbands. But as I wrote on Masala Bou's blog, I reject that term when it becomes a label to the exclusion of women of color who are married to desis. (Gori Club, Gori Guide, etc) not to refer to a phenomenon but to an actual group...like, can black or brown non-desis married to desis be truly welcome in something with such a name?
So, those are my thoughts on the whole "gori" thing.
I agree it can be a really exclusionary term and that's another really good reason for not using it, as well as the Hindi-centric angle. 'shada meye' does not have the same connotation as 'gori' that I'm aware of but it does have the connotation of foreignness, obiously. I just think all and all, it's not a really good descriptive term for who I am.
Delete"Yeah, the gori's coming with us." - NOT at all a positive thing. Has a bit of sarcasm.
ReplyDeleteExactly. And what is the question to which that answer comes, too? Sigh.
DeleteI totally understand where you are coming from. I think for most of the indians, the world is gore, kaale, indian, pakistanis and chinki. But I think thats also something faced by every race in every other country. Wish to have a race free world devoid of stereotypes, but alas doesn't seem to be in sight.
ReplyDeleteIt's not really my place to comment on how others see the world (and the words that make it up) but it especially sits a bit wrong with me when people take a pejorative term and apply it to themselves, either because they are unaware of the negative connotations or because they are trying to 'reclaim' something that is not going to change from negative to positive through their efforts any time in the near future because there is no critical mass to do so.
DeleteThere are examples of words being reclaimed - e.g. queer and nigga. I think gori was helpful in finding similar blogs at the start when I discovered them - no-one uses pardesi in their blog title. I think that once you've found some then you don't need any to have gori in the title (it's only a minority of them anyway) but it was definitely helpful for me at the start to locate some other blogs as was the word bhabi. Can't think of any word which is used in more than one title, maybe the word Indian but there are so many websites with the word Indian it wouldn't help you stumble across an intercultural relationship blog! It's interesting that it is pejorative, but to some extent I think that most of us primarily write these blogs to be read by other non-Indian women in relationships with South Asian men and that whatever code word we use is addressed to our potential readers. Clearly some of us -maybe you are one - have a wider readership and it's great for it to be wider but I'd imagine most of the readers of at least some blogs are other pardesis.
ReplyDeleteI was actually thinking of these examples when I was expanding on the 'reclaiming' idea above. However, in both those examples, the usage of the word has completely changed, not only to be more complimentary to the group it has describing, but also exclusively for the use of said group; an outsider still cannot generally use those words in good faith.
DeleteI do not think that white women are necessarily being oppressed by the use 'gori' - it combines a mix of elevation due to white privilege and denigration due to perceived cultural factors and so I am not sure that it is something that ought to be 'reclaimed.' The closest example I can think of is the phrase 'model minority' as it relates to Asians in the US. It has both elevating and denigrating factors implicit in it, and it's best the term just go away :)
The fact that we are able to find blogs by non-Indian women married to Indian men by Googling 'gori' is a matter of self-selection and the fact that many of the first few blogs used the term unabashedly, and many others joined in. If the author of Gori Girl had used a different name as her personal brand, the results may look different today :)
I strongly disagree when it comes to the word "queer". There might be small exceptions but in general the term is being reigned by positive connotations.
DeleteThe ebonized term "nigga" is a different story, but maybe it just needs some more time?!! (i.e. higher economical involvement by blacks and a higher identification by africans)
I remember that time when I was on a Poetry Slam in Philly and one of the participants called his piece "Why I don´t want to be called Nigga" and the guy after him was referring to himself permanently as one. Both poems were absolutely awesome and I loved how the two statements simply stood next to each other.
Similar there are the efforts of overweight/obese people to reclaim the word "fat".
I personally neither identify with the word "gori" nor "pardesi". First one for all the reasons you mentioned. The latter one because I only saw it in connection of a community I don´t feel part of.
Wondered about your statement: "I don't believe in colorblindness and a post-racial society does not exist". Somehow from previous posts I thought you´d be on the ´opposite front´...
The number of foreign women in India who are willing and able to reclaim 'gori' is so few, it won't happen. The stereotype of the Loose Western Woman is just too prevalent and most people have never even *met* a foreigner, so deconstruction of the stereotype is hardly possible. As soon as you have done it in one setting, you're back to zero the next time you move into a different setting.
DeleteI am vehemently anti-racist, but I do not believe in the concept of colorblindness. I think we are deluding ourselves if we say we do not see the color of someone's skin, and if we do not take differences in culture into account, we are simply being willfully blind. I do not think everyone should be treated exactly the same - what makes one person feel at home makes another extremely uncomfortable - but everyone should be treated with respect and dignity. I have often found that 'a colorblind society' often is code for 'a society where people are expected to integrate with the most visible cultural group.' Similarly, in such an environment, we are not yet a post-racial society and I think it will take many centuries until that is even possible. The power differentials caused by centuries of colonialism and slavery, not to mention economic status, prejudices, skin tone preferences, accent preferences, and whether the majority culture tolerates minorities within it, forces/encourages them to assimilate, or rejects them outright mean that change moves slowly and racism will not be over tomorrow.
You misunderstood my statement. I have no interest in "reclaiming" the term gori. It is not part of my (or anyone´s I know) terminology. But I wanted to point out that you are wrong by saying "an outsider still cannot generally use those words in good faith" by referring to the queer analogy - there you can.
DeleteBesides colonialism and slavery also tribalism should be taken into account when doubting the possibility of or claiming the long way to a post racial society. I am aware that race and ethicity are two very different concepts, but this is part of the battle ground: ethnicity, religion, languages, etc. Just think of Nigeria: the Yorubas who hate the Hausas who hate the Ibos who hate... And sometimes it´s not even the "white man´s" fault!
I would say there is a world of difference between a straight person saying "the queer community" (although I prefer the term GLBT) and saying "that person is a queer" - the first is certainly more acceptable in today's society; the second is still a slur.
DeleteYou're right about the ethnicity thing; it plays out a lot in India as well, as you're probably aware (the recent death of Bal Thackeray brought a lot of that back into the light.) And even if it may not be the 'white man's fault,' we cannot dismiss the effect of divide and rule on previously-colonized populations either; the hatred between India and Pakistan is a manufactured one for sure.
I mean the more readers the better it's just I get the impression that it is mainly other pardesis who find our posts interesting! on the whole. as I say some blogs have a wider readership than others.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that 'gori' has sort of become a code word but I do worry also that it marginalizes those non-Indian women married to Indians who do not fit the white, Western mold.
DeleteBut then there are the "blasian" and "blindian" groups, too. Which, according to your statement, would be marginalizing the people in a white-indian relationship. Sometimes people just want to be with like-minded (in this case like-colored) people, since this way they can share their experiences. And somehow I get the feeling that blacks in relationships with asians/indians get worse stuff to hear than "gori". Not that I´d be cheering for that term!
DeleteThe groups in question were not exactly limited to white women. If they wanted to do that, okay, but I don't want to be a part of those groups. Black women married to Indian men also have additional challenges that white women do not face, again due to racism in the society, and a group that can address those challenges head on I think is very much needed.
DeleteI personally question the need of those desi/pardesi groups in general, since it limits me to this one characteristic of my life: being with a South Asian man. It won´t take into account who I am, where I am coming from, and what I´ve done in my life.
DeleteI understand that there are people who think differently. I understand that they find each other and support each other but for me I don´t see that happening (ok, lets wait until I moved to India for good]. Back in the days I only joined Black/White Relationship Forums to make a stirr. That was fún, though! Buit now I´m older *sighing*
Interesting. In my experience and opinion, the word "Gori" when used in context of non-South Asian women, was mostly as you pointed out, objectifying and derogatory. Even in the context of South Asian women, I do not see the need to use these sexist classifications of shade to describe a lady (albeit, it is sometimes used endearingly by elders --but again that is in a narrow, specific application).
ReplyDeleteI personally experienced this when I tried to introduce a couple of my Caucasian lady friends to a few of my Indian friends (male & female). I was cringing at the thoughtless and careless use of the word and thankful that they did not speak Hindi.
There is definitely a difference - at least to me - of an elderly grandma pinching your cheek and saying "o kitni gori!" and the way that I've given it as used in this article (or the way the grandma in the video uses it!). Same way with other terms of endearment in English - if a sweet old lady in the grocery store calls me sweetheart, that's way different than if some unknown guy is using the term. It's of their time and they are not meaning it in a negative way.
DeleteI wonder, is it appropriate for either you or I to confront people (not the elderly ladies, ha ha) and tell them, "I don't like [when people are] being referred to with that word" without seeming like a complete jerk though?
Sometimes it´s needed to be a jerk. If it is something that makes you uncomfortable, well, then you should speak up for yourself. Because no one else is. I think politeness is clearly overrated...but then I am German, and what the heck do we know about politeness, right?
DeleteWhen in Benin I was usually referred to as "yovo" (the word in Fon [ex husband´s language] for white [i.e. white one]). It was clear that I wasn´t seen as an individual but an agent for the white race. It was more than annoying and I started to say so. At the beginning I voiced my discomfort but with time I simply learned the word in Fon for black (i.e. black one) and then addressed the people who called me yovo as such. Pretty fast people started to use my name:)
I agree with you, that is the way Indian society is. And very unfortunately I am a part of this society.
ReplyDeleteThe feeling of superiority for having a fair skin is driven to even stronger ceilings by the Fairness Creams' marketing people.
It has been very deeply ingrained into us ever since the "Whites" landed on our shores and "colonised us". It was a very simple logic that followed.
It's a weird mix of love and hate, neither deserved nor asked for...
DeleteI agree with everything you wrote here. For these same and some other reasons, I hate my blog title. I picked it years ago on a whim and have been trying to find a new name for years. There's just so much connected to the name that I didn't expect and don't want, things I've only thought of afterwards in my quest to expand my knowledge. An enthusiastic cosign from a one-time adopter of the term who now wishes to rid herself of it :)
ReplyDeleteIt became so common in the blogosphere, didn't it though? That people could search for 'gori' in Google and these intercultural-relationship blogs would come up.
DeleteBut you're right; there is a lot of baggage that comes along with the term. Google "Carefree white girl" to see it in images - I think that is the best thing to describe the baggage to others. :)
It has both elevating and denigrating factors implicit in it, and it's best the term just go away :) Well put! You sound like an English Lit student! Funnily enough I do see you as different to all the others in the community. I've never met anyone like you before. Perhaps I just don't know them very well even in an online sense. But they do seem, in some hard to define way, more foreign to India than you do when we centre India. I am not sure why I think this! I include myself too in this. Half of me is very foreign and not Indian at all - I do feel that, I especially feel non-Bengali (strange to look at my daughter as my Indian-ness is brought out - if I'd married someone English my kids would be 3/4 English and the Indian part only Anglo-Indian anyway so likely pretty undetectable). And the other half of me I feel is Indian deriving from my Anglo-Indian mother. Despite European blood, I feel the Anglo-Indians are Indian. To give an example, if my husband, as a second generation Indian, can be British then I feel after a couple of centuries then these Anglo Indians (of which my mother is one) can be Indian. However, you read various comments some say they were more Anglo than Indian others they were more Indian than Anglo. Again some say they have vanished, either being assimilated into the new India or into the Western countries to which they went.
ReplyDeleteI am such an academic at heart, M? What an I do about it?
DeleteI'm not really different to everyone else. I have my own insecurities and hangups and stuff. I just like to analyze things.
Anglo-Indians are certainly Indian. If you put all my Delhi coworkers together and asked someone to pick out the Anglo-Indians, you couldn't. They didn't look different or act any different any more than, say, a Bengali and a Gujarati would. Their Hindi was generally very good, at the same level of anyone else who did not speak Hindi at home. They had Indian ideas and values and had basically zero ties to England except for maybe a couple of ancestors four or five generations back. You're definitely half Indian, as much as anyone with one Gujarati and one English parent is half Indian, or one Tamil and one Polish parent is. :)
thank you! it's curious though, the ones of my mother's family who stayed speak English with an Indian accent, married other Anglo Indians and indeed are Indian in the way you describe. However, she left at 12 and all her 5 siblings and her all married English people and have a very unclear (to themselves I think) identity. Then all their children got together with non-Indians apart from my cousin and me. His girlfriend is AngloIndian, my DH is Indian, and my cousin is also one of the few Christians among the 12 cousins. Bizarre how life goes!
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